• How did the concept of including children in a regular worship service begin?

• How can we say "children belong in church?"

• Why do we need to do something different when we already have a Sunday School, the kids come and we have good programs?

• But won't the inclusion of children exclude others?

• I like the idea of having kids in church but wouldn't it be too distracting and disruptive actually having them there during the service?

How did the concept of including children in a regular worship service begin?

We began our work by talking with congregations of all denominations who advertised themselves as "child friendly", congregations whose signs read "children welcome." We soon discovered that those seductive words most often translate into segregated Sunday Schools and occasional pageants. We learned that what passes for congregational hospitality divides communities into "we" and "they"; that when we use words like welcome, and accommodate, we create a division by definition. We welcome them. We are providing hospitality for them. Webelong; they are the visitors, a dangerous assumption to make within the faith community, and one which is all too common.

One night, deep in the heart of a series of conversations around the possibility of our adding a family worship service to our Sunday schedule, a lone voice cried out, "if we're still insisting on separating the children from the adults for the bulk of the service, then the children should worship in the sanctuary and let the adults move to the classrooms." It wasn't a particularly angry voice, just a voice frustrated with the tenor of our conversations. Worship patterns are powerful things. With that lone voice, I felt as though I were trying to cling to the stem of a glass that had just shattered.

We see this in every revolution, I think; the voice of the prophet steps across the line that distinguishes accommodation from transformation. It's a bumpy ride! But it's an odyssey filled with adventure and challenge and exquisite joy as community after community learns what it means to embrace its whole Self - to celebrate God's love, to receive God's blessings and to honor and acknowledge God's gifts.

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How can we say "children belong in church?"

Charlie's grandparents brought him to church because his parents couldn't. During the first months he was with us, he painted and drew the shape of his psyche. He was not shy about that, and the expression of his psyche was violent. Charlie drew explosive pictures of war and destruction; tankers in fiery collision; suclear bombs; dismembered victims. He drew explosions about to happen. Fighter planes on collision courses in the sky; bombs hanging form their underbellies.

After his initial artistic statements, Charlie grew quiet and introspective. He was watchful, attentive. One day we asked the children to cut poster board in the shape of a heart. We asked them to draw or paint the "Voice of God' as they were hearing it that day.

On his heart, Charlie drew a dark chaotic cloud. Inside the cloud, untouched by the penetrating darkness, he placed a circle of light, with Elmer's glue and gold glitter. And on the back of the card he wrote, "God is the light that cannot be touched, harmed or overtaken by the darkness of the world."

Charlie was eleven years old at the time.

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Why do we need to do something different when we already have a Sunday School, the kids come and we have good programs?

When my friend Sally accepted the position of Director of Children's Ministries at a large west coast parish, she asked the rector, "now which of these two services is the Family Service?" The ten o'clock service. "And...what time is Sunday School for the children?" Ten o'clock. A pause, while she thought this over. "And which service did you say was the Family Service?"

The truth is, if we run a children's Sunday School concurrently with what is often designated as the "Family Service," we set up a two-tiered system, by definition.

What, do you suppose, might be the message about God that the children are getting? Who matters the most? Not the children. Where does a child figure that God is? In the church, with the adults. These are the words of a young child in a basement Sunday School class.

"We sing, but we're not supposed to sing too loud, or talk loudly enough to disturb the adults upstairs. Be still. Keep quiet. We sit down on little chairs when the teacher tells us to, and I fold my hands like she does. We're training for the real worship upstairs. We'll take our parents' places up there someday. And we'd better know how to act once we're there. But for now, keep quiet, and don't disrupt."

I think this says it all!

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But won't the inclusion of children exclude others?

That's a good question, and yes, there is that risk. Inclusive worship teaches us to be attentive to the needs of all people, no matter their age or worship preference.

Not long ago, I worked on a design team to create a service with a lot of movement. Our intent was to serve the needs of young people to use their bodies in celebration.Only in the evaluative session did we come to realize that we had inadvertently excluded the elderly, less mobile segment of the congregation.

If you underestimate the tension and intricacies of worship design which serves entire communities, you do so at your own peril. But to choose not to respond to the invitation is to do harm to everyone.

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I like the idea of having kids in church but wouldn't it be too distracting and disruptive actually having them there during the service?

Of course it's disruptive, when we expect that our children can and should sit quietly, pay attention, and enjoy. Our services aren't designed for young people. But to conclude from that, that the children shouldn't be there, is the wrong conclusion.

Children belong in church, and if the design of the worship doesn't serve, them, as full members of the community, then we need to change our liturgies so that they do. It is not only possible, but desirable, to develop worship which works for the entire community. People have jokingly referred to our children as the "canaries" of worship. If the children are bored in church, then chances are, the adults are bored as well.

Ask yourselves, "what matters the most?" Do the patterns of our worship really matter more than the inclusion of all the members of our communities?

Once again, we invite you to Email us with your questions. We will try to include as many questions as possible each month. We look forward to hearing from you!

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